Too Much or Just Enough?

I recently found myself in a situation where I had to choose vulnerability over fear. I took a risk to share my over abundance of love instead of hiding my true self. It was awkward and I was nervous but I don’t regret it.

I Am Too Much.

My whole life I have felt like too much. I care too much. I love too quickly. My heart breaks too easily. The older I get the more I lean into the fact that this is part of who I am. I see people, I see hurt, I see pain, I see stress. And I want to make it better. Not as an enabler or in a co-dependent manner, but as a help, as a friend, as someone who will simply sit beside you in the muck.

Voices of influence have always made me feel like I should be more skeptical, protect my heart more, be less of a hopeless romantic. Because of this I often hide the care, love and concern I have for others. I’ve learned to hold back and sometimes to create distance.

Am I Too Much?

But, I don’t want to care anymore if I look like a fool for being hopeful, or for believing the best about people. If you look at me funny because I tell the manager we just met at the restaurant that I love him, I want to be unbothered. I would much rather be known and one day remembered for loving too much than not loving enough.

This is particularly important in the world we live in today. I may not be able to do much about the fear and anger many feel from our current political climate, but I can do something significant in the lives of the people around me. I can be a tangible example of love and acceptance. Listening without judgement, I can offer my support and my presence. And I can do all of these things extravagantly, whether it makes me look crazy or not.

My father passed away a few months ago. Throughout his life my dad loved big. He never met a stranger, was always willing to serve and willing to help. He made others laugh and made everyone feel welcome. His funeral church service was standing room only. The memorial celebration held in the local event center overflowed. I’ve always known that I physically look just like my dad, but I sure hope that my life looks like his too.

I Am Enough!

Everyone has strengths in their personality that were gifted them to be a positive influence on the world. Many times our environments have told us that these specific traits are defects; that they should be hidden or toned down. In the wisdom I have gained with age, I now believe that we should embrace and celebrate the places we have felt like too much. It may be exactly the amount of your particular strength that someone around you needs.

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