I was not necessarily a Taylor Swift fan until I recently read a quote from her. “There’s a special place in Hell for women who don’t help other women.” The quote actually traces back to Katie Couric who heard it from the first female secretary of state— Madeleine Albright. This paying forward of a simple philosophical line is proof in itself how women connect, support and nourish each other. I’m tempted to agree with Taylor on this one because when women do not support each other there’s a whole host of evil that follows.
Envy
We’re hedging the topic of the green-eyed monster in our women circles lately. I’m not sure why we are avoiding the root cause of our inability to be the clasped hands that another woman can carefully place a foot into. We might be tempted to believe that the prime suspect is social media. I believe deep down, however, we instinctively know women have been this way for centuries. It’s just more evident now with advancements in technology communication.
Competition
I also heard another quote from somewhere long ago, the source now forgotten. “Women don’t dress for men. They dress for other women.” Competition. There I said it. Women won’t celebrate, support, admire, or give credit to because they view the woman next to them as competition. We have all seen the grotesque disfigurement of our character as we feel the humanity of our insecurity. Suddenly a warm and friendly neighbor has become a nemesis.
We really can’t address the issue of supporting and celebrating each other without admitting the hurdles of insecurity. They lie dormant in us, ready to awaken with a trigger. When a more accomplished, educated, talented, prettier, better dressed woman enters the room it’s like our radar sounds. For the more secure amongst us, it’s a gentle bedside alarm. For others with much deeper hurts from the past, the alarm can be blaring. It breaks us down on the inside and produces feelings of inadequacy and unfair comparisons. Perhaps I’m only speaking for myself but I’ll bet the farm I’m not.
Learning
The worst part is, at least one time in our lives we have legitimately attempted to trigger another woman into insecurity. I’ve been chewing on this one lately as a few competitive and disingenuous friendships have ended this year. They started out seemingly well and then somewhere along the way became toxic and competitive. I’m not proud to admit this but, once goaded, I fell into the trap of the comparison pit. So I learned a few important lessons from these unhealthy associations I can no longer truly call friendships.
I learned some women will refuse to change because they’re just not ready to become the best version of themselves yet. They’re being held captive by the messiness of competitive dysfunction. I learned I truly desired genuine friendships with ladies who understood all the different phases and spaces we can be in all at the same time. For instance, I can have an amazing husband but struggle tremendously with my career. Or I may have a great job but need therapy because of a difficult childhood.
No One Has It All
I wish women knew deep down that no one woman has it all. I don’t care if Joanna Gaines looks like the poster child for it. It’s just not true. It’s a terrible lie sold to women by movie stars, celebrities and the media to perpetuate a false sense of womanhood. The lies are kept in place to keep us separated, buying more products, watching more posts about those products and becoming emotionally unhealthy with every view.
The truth is there will always be another woman out there that is prettier, a better cook, a rockstar mother, a talented employee or entrepreneur. So how do we feel the weight of that reality and still walk away with our self esteem in tact? One word— value.
Value
With or without all those aforementioned glamorous things, we are valuable. We are valuable not because of anything else but because our worth will never change. We are invaluable. Nothing in this world can add or detract from it. Once we as women grab a hold of this truth we can dispel the lie that anything we ever do or possess on Earth can alter our unchangeable, eternal worth. There will never be another you or me on this Earth. The world gets a one time shot at knowing the wonderful women we are while here. We are irreplaceable, unique beyond imagination and loved beyond comprehension. And yes complicated. We are women.
Read more by Sonja here.
